Presiiiii...........

I went to Presidency college day before yesterday........and fell in love.............

no no.....not with some"one" but with some"thing".
The College!!!!!.....I Love It.!

It's not exactly the cleanest and the most sophisticated place ever.The new additions on campus are nice especially the n.s something building is blue and white in colour and very big. You go behind that place and you happen to encroach upon a lotta ppl's private moments and conversations. So as per principle...DO NOT GO THERE!!!!

On one side of that there is the derozio hall and building. Now that is nice because firstly the eco dept. which is like the best dept. there, is in that building. (yay!!) And secondly, I personally like that building a lot because for some funny reason it really appeals to me.

Coming away from there down the path with the field (huge one!!) on ur left and the science (as in phys chem etc. etc.) dept. on ur right, you begin to realize this tinkling feeling in ur tummy that tells u that ur hungry!! The canteen obviously would be the next stop. Now that place is probably the sexiest canteen I have ever seen. No! It's not adorned with classy furniture, neither is it postered with fancy menu's and topped off with posh waiters ready to serve at ur beck n call.

It's ragged, old, junky, posters of SFI and IC plastered al over the walls, people fagging and it smells like my garage!!( dont ask why!!) But the minute u enter the place trust me u wont wanna leave. I could probably sit there the entire day and do NOTHING!! The stuff u get there are like really cheap so lunch'll go really easy on ur pocket!!

The main building was very interesting cause actually that is the first thing u'll cum across as u enter the college. Now the interesting thing is that it has HUGE STAIRS!!!....No im not kidding!! They're like HUGE!!!................
Incase u plan not to climb them you can always take the coridoors which are there on each side as u enter. So its like, u either take the stairs or u run off in the corridors!!
Next were the windows!!.....They were also HUGE!!!!....and dusty of course!!
As sneha said :"They're better than French windows dude!!"

When u luk around here n there u'll see a lotta doggies basking in the sun and pigeons fluttering like mad here n there. It's such an encouraging site I tell u!!!!..hehehehehehehehehehe.......

So well, then once ur up the stairs, thats the arts dept. So a lotta class rooms, old ones here n there. A few professors here n there too. Well, since i was the one in shorts n converse, i did get cheked out a wee bit but then it was ok. HEy!! it was HOT!!!....(I mean the weather!!)......

So basically it was good fun, aishani showed us around, we loafed about ourselves also. I had technically gone there to collect some sample papers for the entrance, but since Raktim ditched, it became more of an outing with a lotta sight seeing involved.

I'm yet to understand the whole SFI and IC trash. Both seem pretty cool. The ppl are even cooler. I know im going to get hammered if i keep saying all this!!!. Right now the only thing that should bother me is "THE ENTRANCE"
I mean, im least bothered about the ragging and shit cause well, ragging me would be like banging your head against a wall.!!! (no im not threatening ne one!!)

I really really want to go to presi. its such an amazing college. I know im going to have a blast for sure.

Ps: Samik!!!.....I need help with maths!!!!!!!!
When is Raktim giving me the papers!!!!!!!!????????

The 4th court.

It was really really hot. Like it always was.
The clay court was emitting all the heat it could. It never usually mattered that much. That day it was making a difference.
Why?
I was alone.
Everywhere I looked reminded me of those days. It looked so incomplete.
The wind was blowing, and I could hear our voices. Those days of chasing pups, missing rounds, forehands, backhands, services and volleys.
The doubles matches.
Giving our "autographs" on the attendance register.
The never-ending water breaks.
The patent walk to Upper Crust to eat.

That last court is a graveyard.
Perfect friendship lies there, supposedly in peace.

Walking on the red clay I can feel the memories surging through me. It's as if they're there, lying dormant, waiting for one of us to come by so it can fall back. Even the memories need us to go on.
The net, that bench, the trees, the boundary lines......everything remembers us.
We were all that they ever wanted. All that they ever had.
Everything on that court became a part of us and we became a part of them. There was this sparkle when 4 of us were there. Its as if the surroundings would wait for wednesday afternoons to come so that they could all come alive.
I can't get myself to play there alone. Even if people are there, its not US.
It's stupid not to let go.
But somehow, this is one thing that I just can't let go of.

I guess everyone has something they had to let go of.
Once upon a time, I did lose myself. And I can't tell u how good that felt.
But then a reality check told me that magic is nothing but an illusion.
So here I am. Back.
But I keep going there.
Maybe someday that magic could hit me and we could live it..........one last time.

Just my Luck.

"the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses"

-"afterglow"INXS.

Perhaps I just need a few moments alone........just to reflect. Catch a glimpse of someone struggle with all the perfection that can be musterred. Everyone needs time........clear still light to just bring them back... Have you ever seen the way light caught in the blaze of well-cut jewels struggles?.... no one knows its struggling.... no one knows the clautrophobic sensation its going through. ....it looks so beautiful being tortured doesn't it??

I supposedly find it really hard to tell people what I really think and feel at times. My batchmates used to tell me that I'd make a pretty good politician since " you never say what you really mean." I often wonder if it was all true. Sometimes it didn't seem all that bad an idea as well. My parents would obviously throw a fit, but then again its their job to do so. They always do "odd" things when I decide to just "do my own thing". Needless to say, they don't know me. My mom has a slight idea about the size of my clothes, but she's never too sure so she always screws up with the jeans and the salwat suits. Sometimes her tastes dont match with mine and when I tell her so she gets all wierd. Mom's like this litlte violent kid who'll start throwing tantrums the minute things don't go her way. Lately she's been really obsessed about giving as many "social gathering" clothes because apparently I look like a rag in general. She wants my wardrobe to have a complete make-over. This basically means that she wants all my kinda clothes out and all her bull-shit in. She thinks I'm already through Presidency and that if I go to college dressed the way I usually am, I'm gonna get kicked out.

I got really lucky today. My mother wants me to appear for the Presidency math honours entrance. She told my tuition teacher so and to my surprise my teacher for once in his god damn life decided to save my life. He talked her out of it and explained very clearly that the fact that I would have math as a pass course would be deadly enough.

Mom's really lost it. I've been trying so hard to tell her that dude!, just cause I sed i'd do eco doesnt mean stat n math are supposed to back ups. I kinda wanted english, but the way she's reacting at home, its best if I kept my mouth shut. It's funny how in public she says that " my daughter will do what she likes" and then at home she growls at the sound of english hons. I guess this dual thingy is a trait among all gemini's. It's easy to tell people that " arey fight man! it's ur life!!". When you actually get down to the battlefield and see your parents armed with all the emotional backmail and every possibe mean and method ready to make you do what they want, it gets a wee bit difficult. And it gets harder when you cant cry and tell people. If i'd cry, it wouldnt be because I'm hurt. It would be cause I cant do anything. I'd cry cause I'm helpless.

Thank you.........

Dearest You,
I know what, yet not why. But I still thank you for letting me die. It's been so long and now as I undo all that you have done for me, the chain has broken. I looked at you one last time and you told me how it should end. Rechanneling a Fate that cannot be changed is the victory that you gave away. I think of watching you from this place more real than real,more want than why. Your pain had become my legacy, so it's time to sail across that bitter sea. Soon I will step out of the chronos to become nothing more than a memory very few can recall. I'm taking a bit of eternity in my soul. When it came and when it will go is like a wonder, locked behind that door.
No time is better or worse. Love is a loss that one can't reimburse. No longer either separate or together, I thank you for all that you have done.
Good-Bye.
Yours lovingly,
ME

The struggle to be Me.

The sound of wind chimes fade into the room.

A lot can happen on a rain washed evening and letters.

A tale begins, fast fading into the past, fast growing into the future.

Long lost dreams and poetry entwine themsleves in a tapestry of stories.

She looked at the mirror which reflected nothing but the fact of life. A mirror never lies. How can it? Unlike everything else it is not controlled by any external force. Dew drops on the flowers, drenched with pain and horror soaked with nightmares claiming to penetrate dreams thus impinging every waking moment lived or not.

Memories are locked away in those leather-bound pages. She is a contradiction between excitement and repose. She wishes to be detached and is equated to damage and destruction. Full of infinite possibilites, she is capable of all. Born in the realm of the anonymity of death, she is a nameless fear yet a silent strength lingering on till the very end.

Interpreting her moves, sometimes represent the brutality of the clinical and the barren chastity of truth. Swift and strong, between the lightning struck trees and the negation of all that is good, a facet is revealed. Sinister, violent, venomous, decietful, yet versatile. Confident, elegant, invigorating and synonymous to life itslef. She calls upon the powers of the stars- ancient forces near and far. Having passed through the circles of hell and the blankness of oblivian she awakens chaos and disorder. The begining of the end. The faint moonbeam in the sky gifts her the cape of camouflauge. She smiles. But wryly.

Saturated and stimulating she continues within the eternal flow of emotions. The artists pallete is left untouched. The colours have dried and hardened with the passage of time.The painting sold at an exhibition and forgotten. She is combination of mystery and power, boon and curse, concepts and misconceptions, negation and appreciation, reality and a devouring flame who has the final word.

Incomplete and meaningless she merges with the kaliedoscopic dreams and filters through the mind. The breeze carries her away on a love letter with the fresh air and the smoke. Her visions gone astray dotted with the marks of betrayal and injustice. Her apparent exterior of newness is fake. Elusively calm on the surface yet a storm brewing beneath, she dazzles with splendour and never fails to attract attention.

Her perception vary among people. She fades away with the arrival of the pale mauve sunset, leaving behind a sense of reverie.

Not many can deny her mystical charm. She binds all that stands its ground, hoping that someday she will reveal herself.

My Sanctuary.

For all those people who have no idea as to what I'm talking about-
Jetty is this little stretch of lotsa lovely things just off the banks of the hooghly. To be more specific(as I'm always asked to be) its the area unfer the vidyasagar setu.(please don't say you don't know where or what that is!!)
Unlike the area in and around the golden gate bridge at sanfransisco(heavily expensive), this place happens to be the most filthy yet the most beautiful place ever. okay, maybe not the most beautiful place in cal considering the fact that that we have places like red road and stuff. (no! no malls!!)
Babughaat- or "jetty" is this place that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE from the core of my heart.
Initially, I had no clue that such a place did exist in cal. (same on me!)
It happened like this- one fine morning aastha told me that she knew this place which would be perfect to just chill early in the morning. I'm not exactly a morning person and personally thought that she was off her rocker cause I was under the impression that nothing on this planet can make me feel genuinly happy early in the morning.(unless its my bday or sumthing)
and so....she brought me to jetty.
The first thing I noticed about the place was that we were the only "city kids" there. The localites there were all in lungees and vests, sticks shoved in their mouth, eyes half-shut and yawning away to glory. My immediate reaction was-" aastha you idiot!! what the fuck are we doing here early in the morning!!!!"
I was so mad at her! After like a second or two, people began to realize that we were there and they checked us out from head to toe.( this happens very often in cal especially when women are around-irrespective of being good looking or not!)
I could feel the irritation rise within me. I wanted to leave. But my freind had other plans.
Aastha told me to ignore them and follow her. Considering the fact that she usually knows what she's doing(unlike me!) I followed her still grumbling under my breathe.
We went along till this little staircase made of stones and covered with moss appeared. We began to wak down when I saw that there were these beautiful boats lined up. Now these were not the types which are like the modern day boats. This is was just the way a boat is supposed to be-crude,ragged,terrible colour combinations and a wierd looking guy ready to earn his bread for the day by taking us for a ride on the river under the bridge.
We went on and sat. The wind began to blow and we were slowly moving away from the bank.
I looked around with the most bewildered expressions on my face because all of a sudden I felt so happy. Water all around, the clear blue sky and the wind blowing at the most perfect speed ever. Both of us decided to just lie down on the boat and look up at the sky and enjoy that half-and-hour by not thinking about anything!
Since I am a little impatient I did get up once in a while and look around here and there. I saw people near the banks getting ready with all sorts of nets and hooks, people taking a bath in a corner, kids trying to do weird catch thingy's far away.
The entire feeling of being on that boat and jsut being there and doing nothing is the bestest time that I usually have. I can't describe my exact feelings because those words dont exist in the english dictionary. Just go and find out for yourself. I cant guarantee if you'll like it our not but I'll tell you-its beautiful.
I love it loads. But I make it a point not to got there all the time. You see, jetty happens to be the only place where I would want to go when I'm on the edge of loosing myself. Jetty is my sanctaury and going there all the time would just spoil that quaint little thing which I have for that place.
I'm yet to experience the shikara ride in the evening with the stars above and the fire torches around. I've heard its good fun. Especially cause the crowd begins to come in around that time all for the chaats and balloon shooting and blah blah blah..............
That I'm sure is great but nothing like seeing the sun rise behind the trees when ur lying down on a boat with the wind just playing around you.
I wonder if heaven's as good as jetty........................

Juni's sleepover.

My parents are usually dead against sleepovers. Their patent reason: "Every house has their own rules...andf you can't accept them GET OUT!!" I agree with the part about every house having their own rules but some of the rules are really crappy. I mean, what's the big deal about staying over at a friend's house? Mom says that when she was young dida would never let her be out of the house after 7. So? That was her thinking. Why are you keeping the tradition up?.Generations change. The rules should also change.Dynamism is an essential feature of the Indian Economy.So why not make it a part of the Indian Family Rules System. Sometimes leaving home doesn't seem that bad an option. But then again, where would I go?Juni's ISC ended on the 27th. She had been planning this seepover for quite sometime now.And I really wanted to go because this would me my first sleepover with my school friends.The only sleepover's I had somehow been allowed for were the one's at aastha's house and that to because she stayed in the same compound as me and my folks had seen us together since class 3. I decided to stand my ground this time and really fight it if they weren't going to allow me.Luckily I didn't have t fight much but mom decided to be a major piss off and do all the investigation possible before she could break it to dad. She even decided to come and drop me and sneha to juni's house personally. Now this really bugged me. I mean I'm 18 years old. She still wants to treat me like a baby!!!Now that that part was over, we were at her house and all set to have a blast. We started with me jamming on that untuned piano of her's. Zombie & Truly Madly Deeply were some of the songs which these people made a mess of while trying to sing. After that we went off to her room to watch a movie before which we were treated to kookie jar goodies!!....We decided to watch "bedazzled" although I kept on insisting that we watched some action stuff. But then majority one. The movie went off just fine and we had a ball of a time hooting and passing comments about a lot of things.*winks*While the movie was on we had a fer interuptions with respect to the positions we were on the bed. Now I kindly request the reader's not to get ideas!. Sneha wanted cocoa and Juni wanted to lean on one of us and I was being shoved away in odd manners. After a lot of effort we managed to stay still till the movie finished.Dinner was the next best thing that we could think of. Meatza pizza. 2 of them, one with olives and one with onions, medium sized, one with the cheese burst crust and the other with the deep dish crust. Accompanied with coke and choco fudge cake and brownies and music-yani to be more precise we were on cloud 9. Had a little photo-session in the middle too!!Then we decided to play the "game of life", a board game that I had last played when I was in class 4. I was the one having the best time there cause I was "unemployed", had the most "number of kids" and was the "richest". Needless to say that I won even after sneha and juni tried to steal from me the most!!.By the time we finished playing it was 12 and we wished juni's dad happy birthday while I played the piano. Although I'm sure uncle's heard way better choirs in his life he sort of liked our performance a lot! We weren't sleepy so we decided to watch another movie "alladin"Now that didn't quite happen cause in the middle we started talking about serious issues encompassing our lives and trying to find solutions to it. That took up a lot of time and by the time we knew it, it was really really late. Since we had plans the next morning, we decided to turn in for the night mut again, didnt happend. Juni and I slept on the floor talking about a lot of things while sneha was lissening to the ipod on the bed and pretending to sleep.We had set the alarm for 5 and funnily it was only after the alarm rang that all of actually went to sleep. We woke up in like 30 mins cause we had to go to jetty. I wanted to take these people because they had no idea what this place is like- that to early in the morning.The cab ride was expensive and the cab driver was such a jack-ass he ripped us off 150 bucks!!!But it was all worth it considering the fact that both sneha and juni loved jetty. We headed off to Sharma's after that for tea and "kochuri shobjee". Then it was back to Juni's place.We spent sometime on her roof singing away all the songs we could think off.After freshening up, we decided to have 2 more rounds of "life" since the other 2 wanted to win too. Surprisingly they did!!.It's obvious that we had a great time and I for one enjoyed the most cause it was the day right after my ISC had got over so..............We're planning another sleepover. This time at my place. Hope its as good as this one if not better.Ps: Watch out for the next action packed episode of "sleepovers" by me!!